


Standout Klutz

by neko_fish



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 16:23:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7899700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neko_fish/pseuds/neko_fish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every time Jim does anything even remotely stupid, that one person always seems to be there to judge him with those dumb, beautiful eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Standout Klutz

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this post](http://selfish-cat.tumblr.com/post/149689823279/a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy-bad-news-our-boss) and my strong feelings about chocolate mlik

“Shit.”

He raises his eyes and turns his attention to Professor Pike out of curiosity. It isn’t often that the man swears like that--well, it isn’t often that the man swears like that while fumbling around and giving himself a pat down.

“Something wrong, sir?” Jim asks, aiming for polite but falling at nosy.

“No, yes, _shit_ , I locked my access card in the room. Looks like I’ll have to call IT to come out to unlock it. Maybe they’ll make it here within an hour this time,” Pike mutters, glaring at the card scanner, looking personally offended at this inconvenience.

If Pike was anything less than his favourite professor, he wouldn’t have taken a step forward and raised a hand and said, “If you promise not to report me, I can take care of this for you. Step aside, please.”

Pike arches a brow and considers his options for a moment before he sighs and steps back, giving him access to the access pad to work his magic. He opens the panel and, not for the first time, begins typing into the keypad and bypassing the security.

It doesn’t take very long for him to override the system and the door slides open with a quiet swish.

Closing the panel, Jim stands back up with a pointed grin. “The classroom is all yours,” he says, flourishing his words with a bow—to impress any and all onlookers. He glances up from his bow only to notice a certain figure walking down the hall towards them. The sight makes him straighten his back a little as he turns back to Pike, waiting for a show of appreciation.

Instead of a thank you though, Pike gets that look on his face. That look of ‘fatherly concern’ that Jim appreciates and hates in equal measure. Normally, he doesn’t mind it that much, but not _now_. “Jim,” Pike starts, and all he hears in his head is _nope, nope, nope, nope, let’s not do this now_. But, of course, Pike completely ignores his silent prayer and asks, “Is there something you’d like to tell me?”

Jim purses his lips and refrains from taking a sideways glance to see how close the figure had gotten. He’s not about to admit that he picked the skill up as a preteen because there was a teen in the neighbourhood he wanted desperately to impress. He’s also not about to admit that he’s so well practiced because he will, on occasion, sneak into lecture halls and classrooms to nap (especially when drunk).

“Yeah,” he says instead, “it’s time for class.”

The concern fades into something akin to mild annoyance with a side of gentle understanding. “Well, you know I’m here to listen if you ever want to talk about it,” Pike says, walking past him with a pat on the shoulder.

He nods and smiles weakly. “I know, thanks.”

Finally, he glances back and his worst fears are affirmed as he makes eye-contact with Bones as he walks by. To his credit, he doesn’t overtly react when Bones raises his eyebrows and lets out a little huff of amusement as he passes.

He doesn’t overtly react, but that doesn’t mean he’s not internally screaming.

 _Shit_.

\--

“This is hopeless,” he groans, his voice muffled by the bar he’s resting his face on.

Scotty makes a face at the sight of him rubbing his face against the tabletop. “I get that you’re upset, lad, but that bar’s probably a wee bit filthy. If you keep your face there any longer, you might go blind.”

“ _Good_. If I go blind then I can stop seeing that look of judgement wherever I go,” he complains. “Oh, wait, it’s already _seared_ into my brain.”

“I am afraid I do not understand your anguish,” Spock says, the very image of sympathy.

A carton of chocolate milk and a straw get placed in front of him and Jim finally deigns to raise his head. “Thanks, Sulu. I owe you one.”

Sulu shakes his head and leans against the counter. “Nope, what you owe me is a story. What’s this I’m hearing about judgement?”

Jim frowns and opens up his chocolate milk, shoving the straw in and taking a long sip. “Don’t you have work to do?”

They all look around the empty pub. It’s still morning and the only other people around are the people who failed to leave last night.

Uhura shrugs and takes a sip of her orange juice. “He’s got a crush. You haven’t heard?”

“The bones guy? The one he keeps doing stupid things in front of, right?” Chekov asks helpfully. “I didn’t know that was an ongoing thing. In Russia, this wouldn’t be a problem for you, Jim.”

He scoffs and waves the boy off. “Too bad we’re here, and we can’t all be in a stable, loving relationship like Sulu or those two over there. If anything, I’d say I’m somewhere between you, Chekov, and Scotty. No longer spurred by uncontrollable teenage hormones, but still infatuated with the unreachable.”

“Hey, the Enterprise isn’t unreachable,” Scotty protests.

Spock arches a brow and points out, “It is a space station orbiting approximately 400 kilometers above the Earth.”

“And there are astronauts living on it, so I think you’ll find that it’s _not_ unreachable,” Scotty repeats.

“I suppose you make a fair point,” Spock concedes. “It is not technically unreachable.”

Sulu lets out a snort. “Wow, that’s the most inspiring thing I’ve heard all day.”

Jim, on the other hand, buries his face in his hands. “Great, Bones is even more unattainable than a space station. I’ll never have a chance with him.”

“That bad, huh?” Sulu asks. “What’d you do to the guy, Jim?”

“What _haven’t_ I done?” he groans. “It’s like every time I do anything stupid, he’s _right there_ to judge me for it with his beautiful eyes! Just yesterday, he watched Pike ask me about my jaded past because I hacked the door. Not only that, but he’s seen me riding a unicycle to class, and one time at the bar, someone changed the channel to some nature documentary and I was really drunk and started crying over how small the baby animals were and he _saw_. I’ve lost count of how many times he’s seen me fall out of things.”

Uhura arches a brow. “Really, you lost count?”

He sulks and admits, “No, of course I didn’t. It’s eight. Five trees and three windows, and that’s not including the six times he was there to witness me tripping up or down stairs, two of which ended with me crying. He probably thinks I’m the biggest failure of a person on the planet.”

Scotty gives him a sympathetic pat on the back. “You may be a genius, lad, but definitely not a graceful one. At least it makes you stand out?”

“Thanks, Scotty.” There’s a sudden buzz from his phone. Sighing, he turns the alarm off and gets up. “I better start walking to class, I’ll see you guys later. Maybe if I’m lucky, Bones will be around to see me do something normal for a change.”

His friends all wave goodbye to him and wish him luck.

But then just as Jim steps outside, someone skateboards by right in front of him, knocking his chocolate milk out of his hand and onto the ground. A little dramatically, he falls down onto his knees and stares forlornly at his overturned drink spilling onto the sidewalk.

When he looks up, he sees Bones across the street eyeing him quizzically.

Feeling a rush of embarrassment and defeat, he sighs.

“This is hopeless.”

\--

_Jim Kirk. It’s a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance._

He crosses the line out in his notebook under the list of ‘potential icebreakers’ he’s been working on. The lecture is drawing to a close, and so far, he’s written down a number of horrible pickup lines, various forms of apologies, juggling (which he crossed out because he doesn’t actually know how to juggle), and an elaborate dance accompanied only by Spock reciting poetry.

The professor ends her lesson for the day and he closes his notebook, not having paid any attention to the lecture. Following the flow of his classmates exiting the room, he lets himself be pushed out of the room—because what was the point of anything anymore?

Outside, in the hallway, he stands there in a daze until he notices a familiar figure at the opposite side of the corridor.

Much to his surprise, Bones spots him as the crowd thins out and approaches him.

Jim stands up a little straighter and waits, and he definitely _doesn’t_ hold his breath in anticipation.

“Hey there,” Bones says, rubbing the back of his neck a little sheepishly. “So I saw you outside the bar this morning.”

He wishes he could just hide away somewhere.

Forever.

“Yeah, some kid knocked over my chocolate milk,” he says with a weak laugh.

 Bones nods. “You looked pretty upset about it.”

Jim shrugs helplessly and replies with the truth, “I just have really strong feelings about chocolate milk.”

A soft chuckle. “I figured. I felt kinda bad for you, so, here you go,” Bones says, pulling out a carton of chocolate milk and a straw from his bag and handing it over to him.

He can feel himself gawking but can’t help himself. “Oh my god, you’re a saint. How’d you know where I’d be?”

Shrugging, Bones gestures at the lecture hall. “I normally walk this way after my osteology class and I remembered last week, that cafeteria lady—”

“Hit me with her cart and spilled chilli all over me,” Jim finishes, pursing his lips at the memory. “Right. That happened. You always seem to catch me at the worst times, you know that? I swear, I’m normal some of the time.”

Bones laughs and Jim finds himself trying to memorize the sound of it and the way the corner of his eyes crinkle. “Is that right? Well, you’re certainly hardy, I’ll give you that much.” Smiling, he extends his hand out and says, “I’m Leonard McCoy, by the way.”

“Jim Kirk. It’s a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance.”


End file.
